Wednesday, Oct 23, 2013

I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say in this blog since it's about the most life changing and special experience of my life. I did finally have my baby, one week late. We tried to have her earlier...well my body was trying very hard to have her earlier! I went into labor Tuesday September 3rd and we went to triage but they sent us home because I wasn't dilated enough. They told us to walk, eat spicy food etc etc. We did all these things and the contractions only got more intense, five minutes apart then seven then three etc, they were all over the place. I was in pain Tues night, Weds night and Thursday night, not sleeping a wink as my body kept on contracting and I could barely breathe through them. All my hypnobirth practice was really being put to the test. We kept going back to the hospital. They sent us home 3 times. I was starting to get pissed. 

By Friday 9/6, my husband called and told them we're coming in and we're not leaving without a baby...the Dr. finally agreed ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. And so the journey began again but now in the hands of a midwife and some nurses I'd like to think of as earth angels. They gave me pitocin to speed things up. And thank goodness, it DID! I had been in painful labor for four days at this point so I opted for an epidural. There were problems with it. My blood pressure dropped and things turned dark; they fixed it but unfortunately most of the numbness was in my left leg (which wasn't giving birth!) and so I felt what it was like to give natural birth anyway. I was kind of delirious since I hadn't slept in three days and Steve was also very tired and worn out. My mom, dad and Steve all sat with me as we waited through contractions for Grace to be ready to come into our lives. 

When the midwife said it was time to have a baby, I quickly got Steve to turn on my playlist I had put together. I've never gotten through anything in my life without music and this experience would be no different. The songs were in no particular order and very random genres and artists but all songs I felt would either inspire or calm me. I'm not going to go into all the details of giving birth. Let's say it's both the hardest and amazing thing a woman's body will go through. Every mom knows what I'm talking about. I asked the nurses how long on average do first time moms push and she said it could be up to 4 hours. I was like, "ugh, seriously, I don't have time for that, I'm exhausted, have been having contractions from hell for four days with no meds and no sleep. I simply cannot push for four hours!!" 

Steve turned on my playlist, it started out with Romance in Eb then onto some of my other favorite classical piano pieces like Claire de Lune & Vocalise, plenty of Chopin...very soothing for the beginning. Then it went into some Local Natives, Band of Horses, Iron & Wine and then Ben Fold's "Gracie" comes on and the midwife says here's the head, one more push and she's out...the nurses and midwife noticed the lyrics to the song and knew I was naming my baby Grace...they were freaking out..."OH MY GOD, IS SHE REALLY GOING TO BORN TO THIS SONG??? This is INCREDIBLE!" Well, she started coming out during Gracie but wasn't fully out until Ben Fold's Jesusland (another great song!). It was pretty magical. It felt like a dream. They put her on my chest and I thought to myself, this can't be real, she's not all juicy or bloody and doesn't have that white vernix stuff they talked about in the birthing classes. She was perfect. She took my breath away & definitely helped take my mind off what my body just did and what it felt like. I still can't get over that she started coming out to Gracie. It was so surreal and I knew in my heart she picked that song. 

I pushed for one hour and six minutes and that song just happened to be on the playlist at the very moment her little head popped out, she knew what she was doing. Things took a turn thereafter; turned from a Hallmark moment to Friday the 13th. I started to feel immense pain and they took baby Grace away. Without going into things too deeply, the midwife had to remove every bit of my placenta with her own hands because it ruptured the moment Grace came out; apparently the umbilical cord had never attached to the placenta properly. This part of the process nearly made me pass out; it was much more painful than giving birth. Aside from the trauma of it all, we have a beautiful baby girl who was determined to be born healthy and together we survived the wave. Steve and I are grateful and blessed.

The songs that played during her actual birth and shortly after in the delivery room: GRACIE, JESUSLAND, MOONRIVER (VINCE GUARALDI TRIO), THE LAST SONG (COREY PARRISH, her uncle), JAKE'S SONG (COREY PARRISH), GRACE (JEFF BUCKLEY), SO REAL (JEFF BUCKLEY), ISN'T SHE LOVELY (STEVIE WONDER), CARGO CULT (KAKI KING)...and many more.

Grace Izabela Murphy

7lbs 7oz 21 inches Born at 1:06am 

Virgo sun, Cancer rising, Libra moon, Virgo Mercury, Midheaven Pisces

Lyrics to Gracie by the talented Ben Folds

You can't fool me, I saw you when you came out
You got your momma's taste but you got my mouth
And you will always have a part of me
Nobody else is ever going to see
Gracie girl

With your cards to your chest walking on your toes
What you got in the box only Gracie knows
And I would never try to make you be
Anything you didn't really want to be
Gracie girl

Life flies by in seconds
You're not a baby Gracie, you're my friend
You'll be a lady soon but until then
You gotta do what I say

You nodded off in my arms watching TV
I won't move you an inch even though my arm's asleep

One day you're gonna want to go
I hope we taught you everything you need to know
Gracie girl

And there will always be a part of me
Nobody else is ever gonna see but you and me
My little girl
My Gracie girl

...of things I cannot wait to be able to use, do or eat again once I get this baby out of my belly!

...and in no particular order...

1. Feta Cheese, Blue Cheese & Brie

2. Pilates, Walking, Hiking & My Ellipitical Machine

3. Playing Guitar Comfortably

4. Retinol (Tarte Tinted Moisturizer)

5. Roasted Brown Rice Green Tea

6. Moving Freely & Sleeping Belly Down

7. Cooking

8. Entertaining musically

9. Recording

10. Making Videos

How many more days until I say Bye Bye to baby bump and Hello to Baby Grace?

I don't usually blog about mainstream media/music. Someone sent me a picture of Miley Cyrus in a very icky position as a joke and I didn't get it because I don't watch trash TV like MTV or VH1. I finally heard about this outrageous performance and I'm about to pop any day, can barely walk around and thought what the hey...I youtubed it. I watched with my jaw on the floor. Words that came to mind were, EW, disgusting, gross, unbelievable, sick and FOR REAL? 

I am about to give birth to an innocent baby girl and all I can think now is "how will I be able to keep her away from this filth?" It's easier to control what goes on in my house but what happens when she becomes friends with other kids at school whose parents don't care what their children exposed to? As a teacher, I'd always cringe when one of my 2nd or 3rd graders would want to learn a song with inappropriate lyrics. I couldn't help but judge their parents and wonder why they were allowing their young child to listen to garbage that is totally inappropriate for them? I've always thought of myself as this open free spirit but I feel an intense urge to protect Grace from everything and she's not even here yet. 

Well, I guess the first step is being aware of what's out there instead of completely shutting myself off from it all. I have this tunnel vision mentality where I see what I want and ignore the rest of the world so I can create an environment that is warm, artistic, full of love, enriching and fulfilling. It's simply not going to be that easy anymore. I will be eyes and ears for two and can only hope that Grace will learn to ignore the negativity in the world just like her mama! Now you know why I'm not on facebook. If I had a nickle for every annoying post relating to something that ultimately ended up as a total waste of my time, I'd be a rich gal. Peace.

I will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I only have 3 more doctor appts. after today unless Grace decides to join us earlier. It has been quite a journey. No matter how many stories you hear from other's about their experience, I know now it can never fully prepare you for your own. Just as we are all 100% unique individuals, our experiences follow in the same path. Music (as always) has kept me afloat, sometimes sailing and other times treading water. None the less, keeping my head above water. My belly is too big to enjoy long periods of guitar playing so I took to the piano and I'm glad I had this time to focus on the keys. Though my swollen fingers keep me from spending the hours I'd like to, I've spent more time in the last two months at my piano than I have in the past two years, dabbling in Bruce Hornsby solos, some Chopin, Corey's song Spiderman and some original compositions. I have Grace to thank for that. I've had to turn down quite a few gigs over the last seven or so months. While I miss performing, this was a much needed break. It has given Steve and I a chance to figure out where to go next and more importantly where not to. Speaking of Steve, I could not have asked for a better partner through this pregnancy journey. You often hear women complain about their husbands during this very hormonal time :) I have no complaints. He is a rock keeping me grounded. He has surprised me in so many ways. Not that I had any doubts but he has only reinforced my high opinion of him and love for him. Oh sappy hormones, leave me be! Seriously though, he is going to be an AMAZING father. We look forward to little live bedroom concerts for Grace and witnessing her passions evolve and change and grow. The song Half Myself just crept into my mind. I definitely don't feel half myself anymore. I have new music to share but no time to share it as of right now. When my belly is gone & Grace, Steve and I are settled into this new life we are about to embark on, I will finally be able to release some new videos and mp3s. I did play two of the new songs at my last show in March...Telepathy & Siren, although the Siren video did not quite come out the way I had imagined so I have ye to make it public. The percussive parts which were crucial to the song did not make it through the mic as I intended. When I play the song acoustically, it sounds completely different so it may be time to experiment with extra internal mics. I've tried to keep things as organic as possible until now but I need to research the placement of existing mics and options for additions. Anyway, TELEPATHY is on my youtube channel. My mid morning fade is approaching. I may not blog again until after Grace is born. I have a lot on my plate right now. I'm doing a hypnobirth so now that we're full term Saturday, I'm practicing trance more than ever. Clean, deep relaxation, eat, deep relaxtion, repeat. Cheers til' next time!

One of my piano students gave me this gift for Grace yesterday and I just fell in love. I'm a sucker for treble clefs :+D

I feel so bad for not blogging more often. I want to keep everyone updated more regularly but so much has been happening and changing in my life, it's not often I'm at a computer, ipad or cel phone very long. I do occasionally upload pictures to instagram so you can find me there under KP1480 or KP MURPHY.

We've been undergoing major construction and remodeling at our home for what seems like months and months. It's been one project after the other but all worth the time and temporary 'uncomfortableness'...kind of like being pregnant! During my second trimester we went through remodeling upstairs to have our dream master bedroom/nursery. It wasn't too fun sleeping on an air mattress in the living room with my baby bump but I have zero complaints about how our new space turned out, especially the most comfortable new king sized bed. The eco friendly memory foam mattress was definitely worth the wait. Shout out to my friend Tim T for helping out with the glider and Grace's cubby station! A lot of reading and relaxing happening in the glider ; ) The music room/office got moved downstairs to our old bedroom and though we don't have the large space we had upstairs, it's pretty nice. Amazing what a fresh coat of paint and new carpet can do for a room.

I will be 34 weeks pregnant on Saturday and we are two weeks into our kitchen remodel. So far, so good. I was so nervous about not having a kitchen while pregnant but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Steve's grillin' up amazing yummy food for me almost every night and eating out is nice too. I can't wait to get cookin' in my new kitchen and not just food. I've been dabbling in making some household/cosmetic things like deodorant, lip balm, all purpose cleaner, etc. Not only am I saving $, more importantly I'm keeping nasty ingredients off me and out of my home which little Gracie will benefit from. It's fun to feel like a scientist for a while ha ha.

I've been playing music, new music, old music, other people's music...though my preggo fingers are swollen, I'm keeping them active! I was thinking of doing some videos but quite honestly I had NO idea how much the third trimester would slow me down. A 90 something year old man literally passed me at the mall. My pace was way too slow for him! I still have a couple videos to release from my Sellersville Theater show back in March so they will have to hold me over until I'm ready and have time to get back out there. I've been playing a TON of piano. I miss playing drums though! We had to pack the kit up and don't have room for it right now. I have a solo guitar album ready to go for next year. It will be 8-10 songs and I can't wait to record this album. I have wanted to do a solo album for so long. There will be piano on it as well and also some ambient layers to the pieces. It's just a seed now but I hope to see it come to life in 2014.

As I write this, Grace is moving like crazy. I guess she's excited too! What a lucky little girl she is. She has had such support and love from so many people and she isn't even here yet. I could never have imagined how many beautiful gifts she would acquire before her grand entrance. Many thanks to all who have been SO incredibly generous to my little angel. We have everything we need and so much more. Steven and I truly appreciate it.

For your eyes...

It really is...

I cannot find the words to express my joy. We got a beautiful taste of Spring this past week, the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the temperature was rising and you could smell Spring in the air. I walked everyday and the warmth inspired me so. It was a LOOOOOONG winter this year, it was dull, windy, dreary and grey. I don't think anyone will be missing it.

Aside from the first breath of Spring, Steven and I found out we are having a baby girl yesterday...what an amazing gift. I've always said I felt we'd end up with a daughter. I've had so many dreams over the past couple years in which we had a daughter and at the time I felt them to be intuitive dreams. I also had this little angel named for years! (Grace Izabela Murphy) Now we can finally refer to this baby as HER, not IT & even better, Gracie. When I was first pregnant with her, I wrote her a lullaby, an instrumental guitar piece titled "Full of Grace" and I was relieved that my guess of her being a girl was correct so I could keep that title. It just fit so well. I am literally full of Grace.

I never thought being pregnant would be so fabulous. I write and play daily more now than I have in the past 5 years. And I have time to truly pay attention to detail. My new songs are evolving and they have time to do so...I'm not rushing and preparing for shows and what not. I feel more content musically than I have in a long while. Being pregnant has also brought on such inspiration, I'm constantly dabbling in something new whether it be on guitar or piano...I don't know if it's because I have another life inside me or if it's a combination of that new life inside me & taking more time for myself at home but it's truly a gift.

I played at Sellersville theater with Stanley Jordan in March and there will be video coming out soon of songs from my set. I was 4 months pregnant at the time so someday I will be able to show Gracie the footage and let her know she was inside me for that wonderful experience.

I'm going to have the whole summer off!! I haven't had a summer off since high school. While we will be preparing here for the baby and finishing up a kitchen remodel, master bedroom and office remodel, I will have time and hopefully energy to do a few videos of things I've been working on...I'll also be swimming A LOT : ) So far I've had a very active pregnancy...yoga, pilates, walking, light weights and we just bought an eliptical which I used for the first time today and it was AH-MAZING. I will be stoked to add swimming to my list of activities. I want to be in the best shape both physically and mentally for this birth process.

I also want to record a CD of instrumental lullabies for Grace. Good thing I won't be working so I have time to do all these things! I saw her hands on the ultrasound screen yesterday and I couldn't help but think they may be creating beautiful music someday. I would never push or expect BUT I do plan to expose her to the finest art and music so that even if it ends up not being her path or passion in life, she will have great taste, appreciation and knowledge in the arts.

Cooking has been another pass time of mine lately. I've had time to experiment with new recipes and focus on balanced, healthy meals for Steven and I. When we have our new kitchen, I imagine my cooking ventures will be all the more exciting or at the very least, functional. I have been focused on a diet based on blood type & though I haven't been so strict with it yet, I'm already experiencing positive significant changes. It's really more of a lifestyle that thankfully doesn't differ much from my current food habits. I'm A positive (vegetarian based with certain high quality meats allowed such as chicken & turkey) & it's been so interesting to learn about the history of our ancestors and why they ate what the ate, how it evolved and how it ultimately has affected how our bodies processing food. It's actually pretty fascinating...to me anyway. I've long been obsessed with eating healthy and living a conscious lifestyle all around. I got my first taste of vegetarianism 13 years ago. I learned a lot about healthy eating habits then but what I'm learning now takes it to a whole new level b/c it's so personalized and I've finally found a balanced way of eating. It has put a lot in perspective for me. I've tried pushing Steve into eating all the foods I like and have found beneficial for a long time. His taste buds are so different from mine. It's been a struggle and now with this new knowledge knowing he may be a different blood type (I have a hunch he is O), it all makes sense now. I can't wait for him to find out his type so I can plan our meals with more efficiency.

So much to be grateful for now and so much to look forward to. I feel so blessed and I think a lot of new music will come from this time in my life. I will always be excited to share it with all those interested. Thanks for reading!!!

For your eyes...

MOLLY BEDELL GIVES INTERVIEW & PLAYS BREEDLOVE ARTISTS...

On Monday, February 4, 2013, Molly Bedell from Breedlove Guitar Company will be interviewed on Real Sisters Talk radio & will be featuring Breedlove's artists music as well. The show will air at 4:30pm (EST), 1:30pm (Pacific) & 3:30pm (Central). 

If you are interested in tuning in (click the LIVE tab in this link): http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sister-talk

Happy listening : )

I think I'm officially the worst blogger ever for one main reason, I only blog when I remember that I haven't in three months and then another three months go by and the cycle continues. I've been trying to think of ways I could make blogging more enjoyable for myself and I'm trying one out this morning. It's 10:00 AM on Sunday morning and I'm blogging from my porch which is one of my favorite spots on earth! I figured if I took my laptop to a place I really love, I might be inspired to write a blog. Blogging is so different from writing songs. One might think songs are very personal ways to express one's self and this is true in many cases. In my case (often but not always), I tend to hide behind my lyrics, I write in riddles & metaphors so that what I write can mean one thing for me but many things for others. And sometimes, I don't what my listener to know exactly what I'm singing about so I can sing without fear of judgment and just let go. You can't do that in a blog! Songs also take on different meanings after time, not all but some. Blogs don't do that either. I'm in the literal world right now but it's very comfy here on my big porch, in my big comfy chair with a warm cup of my favorite roasted brown rice green tea, birds chirping, the thick sound of cicadas and crickets all around me...I could get used to this! 

So what's new? Well, as most of you reading this know already, we released our new album, Feel in August. Steve, Mike and I have been rehearsing every week and writing some new songs too. I feel like a musical butterfly b/c there has been so many creative changes over the last year. Steve and I have been writing a lot more together and it's connecting us on a higher level. We've been together almost a decade so finding a new exciting level of our relationship is super cool! I don't know why we didn't try to write songs together sooner, we tried but always failed, never completed anything and in ways competed with each other. See, now I'm nervous b/c I'm writing personal things down in my blog and I'm not used to that! I'm trying not to press that backspace button...let go, let go. Anyway, I don't think it was a conscious competition type thing. I for one was not used to writing lyrics with someone. When Corey and I used to collaborate, it was always the music arrangement of the song and then I would write lyrics on my own. My natural way of writing is different from Steve's. He really sticks to the topic whereas I might drift. It's been really good to write with Steve b/c he keeps me focused of what we're writing about. We don't always agree and that's actually a GREAT thing. Sometime's his idea is better and I'm glad we chose that phrase instead of mine...sometimes I come up with the better puzzle piece but in the end we have this creation that is him and me and it makes it really special. Best Friend was the first song we wrote together and it's such a special song b/c it's about our dogs that we adore. Steve wrote the music and we collaborated on the lyrics, I wrote some piano parts and we brought Mike in for drums on the chorus and little percussive sounds throughout the verses. Playing that song live will be a challenge b/c Steve plays bass and guitar on the track so we need to find someone to play bass on it for the CD release show...

Speaking of the CD release show...we are having it November 10th at Siren Records in Doylestown!! We're stoked! Siren is such a cool spot and there aren't many record stores around anymore so it's a special place for music lovers. The last time I performed at Siren Records was in the summer of 2007 when they were in their old 'new location'...such a cool spot, really fun stage with lights and lots of room. It's a shame they had to relocate but their new spot is super cool too!! We are preparing to have t-shirts designed to sell with our new album. We've never done the t-shirt thing before so I'm brainstorming, we all are! If you have any suggestions or ideas, feel free to comment on our Eye To Eye FB page. I love when fans and friends come up with cool concepts, if you're a true fan, you're apart of this band! We'd hook it up to, free T, shout out in the newsletter and every time we mention them during shows ; D 

Well, this day is just to gorgeous to keep sitting here. I'm gonna go on a hike! Have a fabulous week and check back, I plan to blog at least once a week...we'll see :)